Walking Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death

I think it's not overly melodramatic to state that I feel I've been walking through the valley of the shadow of death since we first found out Maddie was sick (March 1, 2011).  That was just about 9 months ago.

I've learned that this is a very long, wide valley. There are lots of hills along the way and ever time I think I am coming out of the valley, I realize it was just another hill and I am are headed back in.  The valley is hard to walk through, slow going and incredibly lonely.  Sometimes I briefly, even repeatedly, meet others walking through the valley and walk beside them.  Sometimes they carry me for a bit, and sometimes I carry them or we drag each other a few feet. But for the most part, I walk alone.

The amazing thing about walking through the valley is that at some point I became aware of the fact that I am walking on a well worn path.  There are others ahead of me and too many behind.

What really humbles and astounds  me is the goodness of our nature.  For some reason, it is on our nature to leave directions to others while experiencing new paths.  Road signs, helpful hints, rest areas, etc.

I am so deeply thankful to the CDH families ahead of me in the valley.  For sharing their stories and educating me.  For following our story and praying with us.  For sobbing when Madelyn died and remembering to check in every so often.  CDH Moms are the reason we have support organizations like Breath of Hope, Project Sweet Peas, and CHERUBS.  And so many more.

These moms looked behind them and saw me and said, I can help her.  And they did.  That they had the empathy and energy to do something for me is humbling.  That they somehow got far enough through the valley to look behind them and care gives me hope - one day the shadow of death won't be so dark and heavy over my life.

My friend Aubin Bryant has started to look back and see other CDH families.  Her son, Liam and my daughter, Maddie we're bunk mates at UCSF.  Our families became (and remain) very close.  It was Aubin and another great friend who helped us pack up and head home the night Maddie died.  They even cleaned our room at the Ronald McDonald house so we wouldn't have to worry about it.

Liam is very much alive today and has overcome so many complications associated with his CDH.  His struggle and Maddie's short life have inspired Aubin to reach out.  She has started an organization, Feathers of Hope.  Her goal is to reach out to other CDH families by sending them homemade cards.  Cards of encouragement, support and solidarity.  I think her efforts are beautiful.  I half think she's crazy because I also know how busy she already is.  But for the most part, it's beautiful.

I hope you are able to find a small way to support her, even if you don't personally know a CHERUB.