The Next Year

This morning I ran into an old friend at Starbucks.  I haven’t seen him in a while and I could tell he was really uncomfortable.  Yep, he’s heard the rumors.  Luke and I have filed for divorce and he had no idea what to say.

And that’s ok.  It’s been a tough couple of years at the Spence home and coming face to face with one of us unexpectedly is bound to throw you off of your game for a moment.  Ask about Dillan – the kid is a rock star and we love to brag about him.

So here is what the world needs to know:

-       Luke and I are committed to co-parenting Dillan.  This decision is in all of our best interests, but especially Dillan’s.  He deserves to be raised in a healthy home full of love and support and encouragement.  Having two homes is the best way for us to give this to him.

-       The details of how we got to this point are none of your business.  Sorry.  Don’t ask and don’t gossip about us.  Those that are closest to us have chosen to support our decision, not speculate and judge. 

-       Our marriage is not “another causality of CDH.”  Every marriage has a mix of good and bad.  The events of the past 2 years and the way we have both adapted to these challenges have fundamentally changed both of us.  In the end, we didn’t have enough good left to give to each other and need to start new lives apart.

For those going through hard times, those with sick children or insurmountable grief, I am an open book to you.  I will share the lessons that I’ve learned these last years and offer whatever support I can to help you and yours make the right decisions for your family.  But not on this blog.  Please email me or find me on facebook.

This next year will be another time of transition, adjustment, growth and learning.  I don’t know where it will lead us, but I do know that we will all be ok even if tougher days are still ahead.

Hair Ballad Heart

This month, I’ve been rediscovering music. I know that sounds weird to some of you – many of my friends are music junkies.  But between becoming a NPR junkie and Dillan’s desire to listen to kid songs, I kind of just stopped listening to music a few years ago. 

15 years ago, a friend of mine gave me a copy of the Beach Boy’s “Pet Sounds”.  It is one of his favorite CDs and in his words “it sounds like what it feels like to live”.  To this day it is one of my favorite CDs.

But I am a hair band rocker at heart.  The Beach Boys do a lot for my soul, but the fact that Mike Love didn’t spend the 80s with heavy black eye liner and supporting the aerosol hairspray industry leaves me a bit empty inside.

I’ve decided to create a play list of Hair Band Ballads that sounds like what it feels like to have lived my life this past year and where I hope Dillan and I are heading this next year.  My own personal Pet Sounds.  Enjoy the flashback.

GnR – Sweet child of mine

Extreme – More than words

Warrant - Heaven

Poison – Every Rose has it’s thorn

White Snake – Here I Go Again

Queensryche - Silent Lucidity

INXS – Don’t Change

The Kinks – Better Things

The Beatles – Getting Better (ok, not a hair band, but totally valid)