Good Riddance 2011

Seems like 2011 was the longest and worst year of our lives.  Good riddance.  Time to move on, move forward and start to restake my claim on this thing called life.

If you are a follower of this blog, you know that in the past months I have struggled extreme depression, suicidal ideations and life in general.  And i'm exctied to write this blog today and announce that I feel better.  Not perfect.  Not healed but better.  Almost normal.

Being a psych patient (just found out that this wasn't blatantly obvious to some) over the last few weeks has helped me tremendously.  Being on this side of the treatment, I am grateful I have the opportunity and resources to attend this program.  I regret that mental health programs have so much stigma attached to them because I can see the benefit in the idea of everyone going through a month intense therapy - I wish i had done it sooner.

My family still has a lot of healing to do.  We still have a lot of grieving to do.  But more then anything, I have started to learn how to be sad and how to grieve without feeling the world around me fall completely apart.  Luke and I are relearning how to laugh together again - to truly enjoy each other's company.  I held a beautiful 2 day old baby this afternoon and was just filled with joy.  Dillan continues to be amaze everyone and seems to be responding well to my increased attention and energy.

I don't know what this year will bring.  A large part of me hopes it brings another Spence baby to our home.  I believe we are still walking in the valley - just starting to believe that there will be mountain tops ahead of us.

And did I mention that we finally have smart phones?  Hooray!!!