I just didn't get it

Right after college, a bunch of my friends got married.  I tried to make it to their weddings, but I missed some of the most important ones (like my roomie).  But I didn't get how important being there was.  Who cared if I missed another party?  They knew I loved them and it was just a stupid piece of paper and a ceremony with a bad band right?

Then I got married and realized how much it meant to have so many loved ones gather around us and help us start our marriage.  That their presence, laughter and gifts all told us that they supported our love and were happy to be a part of it.  And how much more then a party and stupid ceremony that day turned out to be.

And every time I've gone through a major life change or challenge, I've had to relearn the same lesson - i just didn't get it before.  And i'm learning that now with Maddie.

I've sat by friends who have miscarried.  I've tried my best to say something loving and encouraging to friends who have lost babies late in their pregnancies.  On some occasions, I celebrated a little too loudly when what could have been a lost baby turned out to be a miracle and is now a healthy handful - forgetting to acknowledge the trauma that the family just went through and the one they narrowly avoided.

Much of this was after I had already become a mom.  I just didn't get how losing a baby during pregnancy or right after birth could hurt so much.

so to my friends with no children or only healthy children, i want you to know that i get it.  you have no idea what to say, how to say it or even if you should say anything. and sometimes that makes you feel and (honestly) sound like an ass.  But i want you to know that i appreciate you trying.  That you let me acknowledge that we may never bring Maddie home.  And even though you may not get it, thank you for letting me say it.  Thank you for words of encouragement meant to remind me that we likely will bring her home, but thank you even more for letting me know you'll be there if we don't.