Wish List for Bereaved Parents

i saw the “Wish List for Bereaved Parents” in some of the CHERUBS literature and modified some of it with my own words.

1. I wish Maddie hadn't died. I wish I had her back. If there is a way to get her back in my arms, I’ll find it. I don’t really believe she’s gone.
2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to say “Maddie”. She lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that she was important to you as well.
3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about Maddie, I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. I never stop thinking about her, you didn’t remind me she’s gone. Her death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both.
5. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me. I need you more than ever, even if I’m harder then ever to deal with.
6. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but I also want you to hear about me. I might be said and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about Maddie and Dillan and the weather and anything else.
7. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know things through a phone call, a card or a note, or a real big hug. I’m so grateful for each and every time someone has reached out to us.
8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will suffer the death of Maddie until the day I die.
9. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover. I will always miss Maddie, and I will always grieve that she is dead.
10. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy". Neither will happen for a very long time.
11. I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve. I must hurt before I can heal. Sometimes that means I’ll say things I don’t mean or are irrational. Thank you for letting me say them anyway and not taking it personally.
12. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with me as I am with you.
13. When I say, "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't feel okay and that I struggle each minute to get through the day. And I hate that my life is just “trying to get through”
14. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.  Expressing myself, even if you did something to bring out my worst emotions, isn't meant to be an attack on you.
15. Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle it at an hour at a time.
16. I wish you understood that grief changes people. When Maddie died, a big part of me died with her. I am not the same person I was before she died, and I will never be that person again.
17. I wish very much that you could understand - understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain. But I pray daily that you will never understand.